New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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