I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
