I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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