I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
