Joe is yelling at the trees again.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
