that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
