I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
