The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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