can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
