Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
