so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you traded sex for a burrito?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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