I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When are your genitals available?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
