It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
