i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
