Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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