I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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