ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
