Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
