he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
