Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
