im six kinds of drunk right now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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