i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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