You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
