Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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