who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
