booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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