I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FUCK WHALES
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