She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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