Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
