can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
