The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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