lets start a swedish sibling band together
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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