the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
