I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
