accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
