Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
