Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
