I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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