I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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