I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
