Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
