Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
