now i know why i became what i already was.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
