New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
