If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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