Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
