Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
