So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
