Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
