if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
