once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
